A teenage girl is seen being dragged into a van. A few hours later, the van is found, sans girl but with a mountain of dead kidnappers, professionally assassinated. The Five-0 is a little perturbed that no-one has reported the girl missing, and deduces that she must be from a wealthy family, who got some hired killers involved instead of the police. The girl, Yumi, is traced to a tony private school and then to an apartment, where she’s alone and tremulous. Her parents are away. Quinn – showing signs this week of both a “general vibe of hopeful ambition” (Danny) and a Secret Pain (me) – gently interrogates the girl, in order to get her to reveal what happened to her.
But… here’s the thing. There’s no sign of anyone else having been in the van apart from Yumi and the kidnappers. Which means that the person who professionally took out the baddies is… well. Yumi might not be an ordinary schoolgirl after all. And after administering a sound, yet spectacular, beating to Quinn and Tani she takes off, leaving a bundle of passports, guns, and cash money in her apartment.
So who is Yumi, really? She’s not a teenager, nor is she legitimately in an upscale Hawaiian school; instead, she’s an international mega-criminal and North Korean spy with an Interpol Red Notice against her name, and she’s trying to track down a defector. Before the end of the episode she will, while wearing a presumably non-coincidental Kill Bill-yellow shirt, have kicked her way through a couple of hundred Feds, and abducted the defector, and demanded a plane to take them to North Korea, failing which she’ll release online a deluge of confidential information about US interests. Fighting fire with fire, the Five-0 recruits its old friend and ours, Halawa Correctional Facility’s very own Aaron Wright, to try and stop her.
Meantime, Steve has to take Eddie the Dog to the vet, and endure the indignity of having Danny play wingman – the vet is hot – and then Eddie the Dog playing, well, wingdog I suppose. This is much better than it should be, because H50’s star of the writers’ room, Zoe Robyn, is in charge this week. It’s a terrific episode, in fact. I mean, obviously ridiculous. But terrific.