Reed Diamond is worried. Very worried. Agent Q hasn’t shown up for work, isn’t answering her phone, and isn’t anywhere to be found. What to do? Oddly, for a trained federal investigator, Reed Diamond doesn’t think of the obvious – “uh, go check her motel?” – till Agent Mike suggests it, but that has to be because of his overwhelming, brain-befuddling concern for his friend/ partner/ potential future girlfriend(?), rather than shoddy writing, no? Yeah – no.
Abbott and Costello Mike and Reed Diamond go to Motel Q, where they find an exceptionally clean and tidy room – I guess the folk who broke in took their shoes off at the door – but no Agent Q. Thankfully, the only working CCTV camera in the village clues them in on the Qidnapping, which not only worries Reed Diamond even more – dude, you’re gonna get frown lines – but brings Agent Mike and President Jack Bauer into the circle of concern as well. “I want every agency on this,” says the Pres, but he’s too late because a) “It’s already done” and b) Q is busy rescuing herself with underwiring because a decent bra really can support a girl in more ways than one. Yay! But also, Boo! because undergarments are great but they’re not going to get her off that boat, are they?
While Q’s sailing, er, somewhere, the Bad Billionaire and the suddenly very visible Mole Guy (he had, what, a minute of screen time, we find out he’s the mole, and now his scene count’s gone up by a zillion?) evilly chat about their evil plans, in such a way that the eavesdropping Atwood can’t quite tell what the evil plans are, but definitely knows they’re evil. Just when our man’s about to hear the deets however, he inexplicably decides to leave his camo cubbyhole and get shot. Oh, ATWOOD. Went to prison for a crime he didn’t commit, lost his job in disgrace, lost his son, lost his wife and now loses his life as well? FFS, writers, could you not, at some point, have cut the guy a break? A significantly less permanent one?
Sigh. I hope that laptop-twiddling he was doing at least means he sent the Bad Billionaire files to Team Q and Co before he was, er, terminated, or it really will be the final insult for the poor fella.
Speaking of insult, meanwhile, back on the West Wing-lite side of the plot, Kimble Hookstraten, Political Titan, is being persecuted by some amoeba heading up the Ethics Committee, much to the outrage of all members of Team PJB, present and former. Since her performance at the hearing more or less amounts to “I’m honest, I promise!” it’s a surprise to no one – except apparently Aaron and Kimble herself – that the Committee, looking for reasons to be unimpressed, finds them. Kimble decides to take them apples and make cider, though, getting PJB his fast-tracked funding for Tyler Richmond’s favourite music program, because nepotism and backscratching are only bad when politicians we don’t like engage in them, see? And El Presidaftie giving Kimble a Cabinet post right after she pushed his Bill through is totally going to help disprove the allegation that the Congresswoman’s up for a bit of quid pro quo, isn’t it?
Of course, PJB’s naïveté-bordering-on-stupïdité isn’t Tyler’s fault. Tyler’s real sin is much more heinous: he suggests to Mrs PJB that First Families should “stick together.” WTF? Tyler, dude – NO. Nobody wants more scenes of Little P and the other one, when we can have Seth being utterly adorable about Air Force 1 – “Uh, can I wave?” – or, if we’re really stuck, literally anyone doing anything else instead.
Although Emily and President Moss (who now seem to walk about together as some sort of post-Aaron package deal – sob!) deciding they might just manage nuclear disarmament before the season finale might be the show pushing its luck. This was a good, exciting ep, and I like a liberal fantasy as much as the next person currently freaking out about the imminent fall of Western civilisation, but we already have the principled, moral, independent, non-partisan, super-smashing-terrific beacon of integrity that is President Jack Bauer to believe in. If Team PJB starts pretending Emily Rhodes can save the world, one nuclear warhead at a time, it might just push the show from fun wish-fulfilment territory into the land of permanent eye-rolls. Save that for season 2, if you must. Meantime, give us more Q kicking ass, bring down the Bad Billionaire and turn the heat on Aamily back up to a simmer, and I’ll be delighted.