On Blindspot this week, the writers follow up last week’s Rich Dotcom awesomeness with the return of another guest character, albeit a markedly less likeable one .
Yes, welcome back AUSA Asshat (possibly not his given name) who previously tried to bring down Mayfair, and is now auditing her team right in the middle of a ‘”Weller and his asset have simply vanished from a crime scene”- WTF?’ crisis, because it’s “standard procedure.”
“It’s funny how that keeps happening to members of this team,” smirks Asshat, practically hugging himself at even the whiff of non-optimal professional practice. “You know what I find funny?” growls Reade, “You being assigned to audit us when you tried to put our boss away for murder. Is that standard procedure, too?” No, dude, but then neither is this whole tampering with evidence, interfering with lab staff and buying the odd murderer a bus ticket scheme you and Zapata’ve got going on, either, so maybe keep your head down, eh?
Anyway, thanks to all sorts of non-linear timeline/ unreliable narrator shenanigans – Let’s start in the middle! Let’s jump back a bit! Let’s go forward again! Let’s have the criminals we arrested make up bits of the story in a Choose Your Own Adventure style, with added comedy action hi-jinks! – we learn that, after being recruited to a high-quality heist team, the undercover Weller and Jane have stumbled upon the kidnapping of a top Chinese scientist/ tsunami bomb-maker, by a supervillain arms dealer who now has her stashed away on a boat, pending further supervillainy.
Rightly assessing this as a less than ideal situation for both the Chinese scientist and the planet, Weller and Jane argue for a minute over who gets to stow away on the USS Bad Man With a Bad Plan, till Weller easily (and somewhat embarrassingly – Jane, girlfriend, you know better than this) fools her into essentially going round a corner so he can climb aboard while she’s not looking and she’s left having to run through miles of woodland for help instead. Miles of woodland. Ah. Maybe not just his usual hero complex making Weller so keen on cabin boy duties, then: I feel you, Kurt, I hate cross-country running too.
Jane, bless her, keeps her head down and her feet moving till she catches up with the team (who also have AUSA Asshat along for the ride, because a top, um, lawyer is exactly what you need on a potentially dangerous rescue mission) though, and fills in enough gaps for Patterson to work out that both Weller and Dr Tsunami are now up for sale in a dark web auction and OMG what shall we do?
The answer to this is obvious to anyone who’s ever watched White Collar – Peter and my beloved Neal used government money to pose as people buying illegal stuff just about every week – but the idea is treated as a revelation by the Joint Tat Task Force, and a crime against humanity by the aghast AUSA Asshat, who immediately clutches his pearls and announces that NOBODY IS TO DO THAT, NO WAY! He somewhat spoils the effect, however, by immediately excusing himself after that, and leaving the Joint Tat Task Force free to go ahead and do it anyway.
Which, of course, they do. While Weller works things from his end and frees Dr Tsunami, the rest of the team roll up and join in the battle, with everyone doing their usual kicking of ass and taking of names. Kalinda – who’s doing more and more field work by the week, I note; odd, I thought she was fairly high-ranking – even indulges in a little hand-to-hand combat, the effect of which is somewhat spoiled by her a) very clearly not being anywhere near as good as Jane or Kurt at it and b) almost getting killed because of a).
Still, everyone makes it back alive and with the FBI’s 8th Most Wanted in cuffs, so happy days, eh? Albeit not for AUSA Asshat – who essentially promises Kalinda he’ll “get you my pretty, and your little dog, too!”- but you can’t please all of the people all of the time, amirite?
Of course, this ep’s not even close to being as good or last week’s and it’s still a bit too angsty, but, in fairness, it does work in a fair bit of humour and clips along at a decent pace. And, despite a mortifying “it’s just a small party that I’ve invited everyone but you to” scene early on, by the end of the ep, the Joint Tat Task Force is kind of solid again: Kurt remembers his manners and belatedly invites Jane to his baby shower(?), everyone gets extremely excited about the pink cake – they do know it’s not 100% accurate method of gender determination, right? – and Kalinda gives Patterson the Joint Tat Task Force equivalent of a gold star.
Not that any of this peace and goodwill will last, since mad Roman’s now determined to turn Jane and start Phase 2, Kalinda’s equally determined (I think, anyway) to turn Ms Doe into Ms Dead, and, although we’ve never met him, I’m wondering if the Marshal’s mysterious boyfriend Connor’s up to no good as well. Here’s a thought: has anyone ever seen him and Roman in the same place at the same time? I wonder.