In Blindspot world, three months have passed since the madness of the season one finale, and the team are channelling their Jane-pain back in to their pre-Jane day job: busting into houses to track down missing women, be they criminal or otherwise.
Nobody’s heart’s really in it, though; “we miss working the tattoos,” says Zapata. But not for long! Because it turns out that Kalinda from The Good Wife has grabbed her knee-high boots and run away to join the NSA (or so she says, not that anybody on Team Tat-less actually checks) and, in answer to Tasha’s very special pre-Christmas wish, up she pops, in her shiny new black chopper, all “Jane’s escaped from the CIA black site she’s been tortured in for the past three months, how’s about we spike their guns and torture her in a more angst-ridden fashion instead?”
Poor Jane. Her initial torture and escape are surprisingly harrowing for mainstream tv, and all she wants is a room somewhere, far away from the cold black site air, but the room she picks is just along the road in New Jersey – unfinished business, as Kalinda points out – so the now NSA-powered Team Tat-retrieval is on site before the first ad break. “I’m gonna go in there alone,” says Kurt, pretending he’s super-chill. “She’ll not be happy to see you, you know that, right?” says the Grinch formerly known as Zapata, who is annoying but has a point. As illustrated by Jane suddenly holding a gun to the back of Agent Super-Stealth’s head. Uh-oh.
But fret not, fans, shippers and people who’ve switched on by mistake and are wondering WTF. Jane’s not shooting Kurt, and Kurt’s certainly not shooting Jane (SPOILER: that’s the Grinch’s job). Instead, they work out their feelings through an energetic bout of kicking each other’s heads in – not a type of couples counselling I would generally recommend – till Reade and Zapata come in and stop them killing each other, and back we all go to FBI HQ so we can hook Jane up to a giant radioactive lie detector and Kalinda can manipulate everyone some more.
The lie detector gives Jane an excuse to fill the team (and any viewers who forgot what happened in season 1) in on what she did last season and why – “He said that if I didn’t, they would kill Kurt! They would kill my team!” – and, handily, gives Team Tat an excuse to use her again too. “For Mayfair!” they all promise. (“Who may have lied to us all and committed several felonies, but was kind of awesome in the end,” being implied.)
With everyone just about on board, then, the broken-hearted but determined Jane is propelled back into the arms of shadowy global mega-villain “Sandstorm”, with a hole in her side courtesy of the permanently sulky Grinch, a woman who grumbles when she’s not working with Jane and grumbles even more when she is. “(Jane) is a pawn,” points out the more sensible Reade. “She was a pawn for us, now she’s a pawn for Sandstorm. I almost feel sorry for her,” he adds, before remembering his partner still has a gun, and emphasising the “almost.”
Kurt, meanwhile, is trying for an outcome-focussed perspective on getting the Tat band back together. He wants to bring down the people responsible for Mayfair’s death, and “if that means that I have to swallow my feelings about Jane for a little while, so be it,” he says. Just as well he’s already had a whole season’s practice at that, then, eh?
The summer break seems to have taken the edge off those particular skills, though, since Kurt’s feelings are more shouted than swallowed when Jane’s in danger – “STOP YELLING!” Patterson shouts back, “It’s not helping me code!” – but, crisis averted, Jane re-infiltrates Sandstorm with minimal fuss, and immediately gets herself a brother, an adoptive (but suspicious) mother and a missile-shaped lot of bother in return, as well as a thankfully speedy, bite-sized origin story which makes no sense at all but will do me fine since I really can’t waste any more of my life on action procedurals which forget the action and the procedural parts and get bogged down in endless, boring “I need to know who my parents are!” storylines instead. (You know who you are.)
So, with that and no messing around at all, we’re back on track. Jane’s a double agent (again), but for the opposite side, if you know what I mean. Kurt’s pretending he’s not in love with her (again), but is fooling nobody. Kalinda is Kalinda (again); same wardrobe, same “mysterious and manipulating” persona. Reade is, uh, not up to much (again). And Tasha, well, I’m guessing the Grinch won’t last the season since she’ll either sacrifice herself to save Jane or she’ll end up being Sandstorm’s mole, because Dylan Baker’s just too obvious a choice, amirite? Ach, who knows. Either way, this was a pleasingly explosive, no-holds-barred way to blow out the cobwebs and kick-start the new season – roll on ep 2!