Time for another ep of SQUEEs, OMGs, NOs and WHOAs.
In “people I don’t care about” news, Teresa’s grandparents, who have been hanging around waiting for the sword of Damocles to fall on them since the show started, decide to speed things up by bringing a bookcase down on them instead. This results in a leg injury which may later prove important, but is unlikely to ever prove interesting because these folk twinkling at each other was cute at first but is now just taking up screen time that we DON’T HAVE, people. Don’t they know this show is on a CLOCK?
Also in Create-a-Crisis mode – despite there being an actual apocalypse going on – are Jana, Suzy and pals, as they decide to leave the (admittedly vulnerable to attack by Super Meth-heads Inc) computer-office-building-thingy and try to tunnel out of a church, taking in a matinee performance of “Heal Your Plague With Love” on the way. The service is both incredibly creepy and overwhelmingly sad, and those scenes actually have something serious and important to say about desperate people searching for miracles when modern society can’t give them what they need, but the ep skips past all that pretty quickly so that we can focus on Suzy having claustrophobia and a jerk married boyfriend instead. Sigh. It all turns out to be for nothing, too, because, for reasons I didn’t quite pick up but don’t matter in the slightest, they can’t get out of the tunnel after all. Oh well.
The week’s other big “aborted attempt to get out of the cordon” story involves the preternaturally-smiley young Thomas, whom Dr Cannerts has decided is the cure in human form, and whom Dr Lommers (How is this ridiculous person in charge? She is useless.) has decided should be smuggled out so the CDC can
make absolutely sure everyone dies take over work on a possible treatment instead. To that end, she brings Lex back into the inner circle, mainly so that the National Guard guy can growl at him and everything can go badly wrong some more. (What is the National Guard guy’s deal? Is he not supposed to be organising food drops? Is his job really just to stand around going “I’m a RACIST, so I’ll do the OPPOSITE of what you say” all the time?) And go wrong it does, because it turns out that Dr Cannerts, as well as having – SPOILER! – caused the virus outbreak in the first place, lied about who Patient Zero was, and generally been a gift to conspiracy theorists everywhere, has got it spectacularly wrong, yet again. Thomas isn’t the cure, Thomas is the silent assassin, and Larry (?) and a variety of horrified hospital staff have the blood and guts all over them to prove it.
Thank goodness then for my beloved Jake and Katie who are so completely lovely and adorable and irresistible together, I’m ready to storm the cordon and break them out myself. Not content with cheerfully (and adorably) solving the Patient Zero mystery and smuggling Super-Thomas into the new sluice (the fact Lex and Lommers threw him right back out again is hardly their fault), they decide to up the SQUEE factor by several million per cent this week by having the tremulous Katie give Jake an out, the faithful Jake give Katie a declaration, and the gorgeous pair of them give us the 4-6 feet, er, “workaround” we’ve been waiting for. Oh. My. Stars. Let’s be honest, “There’s no version of my life that doesn’t have you in it” would have turned me into a puddle on the floor regardless – My God – but that shower scene? *fans self* That sends both my heartbeat and internal thermometer sky-high. Like I said, the show’s on a clock, so getting attached to these two is not going to do me any good, but I ship, therefore I am. SQUEEEEEE!