OH. MY. GOD.
It’s the penultimate episode of the season, and everything is going bananas. Yes, even more bananas than usual, and for the reliably crackpot Blindspot, that is an exceptionally high bar, but “If Love a Rebel, Death Will Render” (these convoluted episode titles apparently all mean something but there’s far too much going on already for me to try and find out) clears it with both ease and gusto.
What a ride.
To Jane’s consternation, it begins with Sofia, a hypocrite as well as a liar, in league with the tediously dogmatic Tree Tat Man, insistent that Mayfair’s utter destruction is the only punishment befitting her crimes, but entirely silent on why she herself doesn’t deserve a similar fate. Also a high bar, but I despise Sofia almost as much as I detest Tree Tat Man.
While Jane is not entirely convinced, however, she’s swallowed just enough of the Tree Tat Kool-Aid to keep schtum for the moment, so we jump to two weeks later and – my GOD – a very stressed, soon to be sniper-ed orderly, leaving a hold-all outside a government building. Q: What’s in it? A: A crying, tattooed infant of “unknown identity, unknown origin, she even came out of a bag….”
Now who does that remind you of?
“Whatever happened to Baby Jane?” jokes nobody but me, foregoing the easiest gag on the planet in favour of fretting about new, slimy, shouty boss Dylan Baker, who is clearly all-caps EVIL because a) he is determined to “SHUT DOWN THE JANE DOE PROJECT!” for no reason other than its consistently successful investigation of actual, incredibly serious crime (WTF?) and b) he’s played by Dylan Baker. I mean, he’s unpopcult royalty, but you don’t exactly hire him to play the guest star good guys, do you?
Of course, kicking Jane out of the building doesn’t stop her or anyone else investigating the actual, incredibly serious crimes of running a secret baby-growing farm and killing people who might spill the beans on it, nor should it, but it does mean we get some insanely thrilling scenes where “an unknown woman with black hair and tattoos” – guess who! – tries to stop the baby farmers / baby retrieval squad, before heading back to the baby farm and defibrillating one of the baddies (and herself, almost) to death.
As if the ep isn’t already stuffed with goodies, there’s time in amongst all this action for Weller to try more than a little tenderness too. To my mounting excitement, the passionate “You know how important you are to me” soon gives way to the soulful “Jane, you were never just a case to me,” which in turn builds up to the enthusiastic “Now that we’re not working together, that sorta means I can do this” Jeller snog-athon, because this episode is tremendous and I love it. SQUEEEEE.
No sooner have I started hugging and hi-fiving myself, however, than everything starts to go even more fantastically, magnificently NUTBAR. Mayfair, who has been carrying out her own top-notch investigation with help from the earnest Reade, the annoying Zapata (too little, too late, girlfriend) and the delightfully relaxed super-dog Felix, stumbles upon both Tree Tat’s Lair and the truth, dying at Tree Tat’s hand and cursing Jane all the while. NOOOOOOOOO! But the calamities don’t stop there, nuh-uh; the twistiest twist of all is reserved for poor Kurt’s ears only, as the resurrection of his love life is interrupted by his dying father telling him where Taylor Shaw really is. And that would be walking around with tats on her body and his kiss on her lips, right? Um…. guess again, folks. Guess. Again. This was TERRIFIC.