In a nasty little Scream-esque cold open, Addison Wells, a 22-year-old student, is abducted from a house where she’s been babysitting. It turns out that her captor had, as it were, hacked into the house: laptops, thermostat, alarm, the lot. A link is discovered to a similar case in which someone was kidnapped, made to confess on a webfeed to an unsolved crime for which he was responsible, then left with a gun to commit suicide.
So Addison has a guilty secret, and once she confesses to it she’s going to be left to kill herself, unless the Five-0 can get to her, and Mr Twisted Vigilante, first. It’s fairly standard against-the-clock stuff, immensely enlivened by Silicon Valley’s Martin Starr, returning to the show as the droll, ironic tech wizard Toast, now a multi-millionaire after launching Poopy Penguins, a successful app in which you get points for crapping on people. It sounds frighteningly plausible (and for all I know it’s a thing).
Meantime, a Very Special “Oh, FFS!” Watch covers the whole of the B-plot, in which Kamekona’s burgeoning business interests now include inter-island booze cruises on board his new yacht, the Thong Magnet, so-called because something something police auctions something something. Kame – dressed in a sailor’s outfit – sets sail with Flippa and Max on the inaugural voyage, having unfurled the yacht’s sail, which I can now never unsee. But they get lost and set the boat on fire, meaning that they have to bail out into a liferaft, ending up on an uninhabited island… or is it? An opportunity for a more explicit Lost shout-out is missed, which means that this plot is wholly without redeeming features.