Hooray! Having realised that they have three tremendous assets in Patterson, Borden and the chemistry between Patterson and Borden, the Blindspot writers decide to give us some of what we want this week – not all of what we want, though, since Tree Tat Man is not only still alive but now talking about jazz, FFS – in the form of a story that gives the two nicest folk on the show plenty of excuses to hang out and be lovely, while also blowing stuff up and shooting a fellow in the head with a nail gun. Awesomesauce.
At the root of this week’s nonsense is a terrified, autistic young girl named Maya, found wandering the New York streets, whose chief method of communication is drawing: tats, terrorists and all sorts of top stuff which gets Mayfair so excited she keeps saying mad things like “we need to get through to her and we need to do it NOW,” because the finer points of looking after traumatised, deeply vulnerable children was obviously not something they spent too long on in her year at Quantico.
Luckily for both Maya and the viewing audience, however, lovely Dr Borden is on hand to gently remind everyone of the need to check themselves before they wreck themselves, and, using the therapist’s two greatest tools – empathy and a doe-eyed, multi-tatted amnesiac – manages to get all sorts of handy info from the wee girl, which, for various “danger blah target blah you know what I mean, blah” reasons, means he has to take her away to his remote cottage in the country. (I swear the idea didn’t sound this creepy when Borden suggested it.)
Patterson, who is a genius after all, immediately volunteers to accompany him, but Mayfair is too wrapped up in her own “old girlfriend’s faking her death / new girlfriend, er, isn’t” drama to get with the Team Patterden program quite yet. “Why do you wanna go?” she asks, suspiciously, and since Patterson can’t say “because I want to play house with the kindest, handsomest man in the FBI,” she goes with the lame but hilarious “I like cottages.” Heh.
A quick, surprisingly adroit intervention from Kurt saves Patterson further blushes, however, and means everyone gets what they want: Kurt and Jane get some road trip alone time to talk about having kids and other big life stuff everybody regularly discusses with colleagues they don’t fancy the pants off of at all, nuh-uh, while Borden and Patterson get some road trip alone time to make One Direction jokes (no judgement here, dude) and charm both each other and, oh yeah, young Maya. Remember her?
Unfortunately for Maya, the Assistant Secretary of State for Near Eastern Affairs (WTF?) certainly does, and the only thing surprising about him being a bad guy is that the two geniuses on the team don’t notice it much earlier. But if they had, we wouldn’t have had a glorious shoot-out at the cottage, Patterson taking stock of Borden’s cleaning supplies and announcing “This is all looking promising, we could use some of this to kill someone,” and Patterson thereafter blowing up Borden’s house, so it’s all good. Or, more accurately, it’s all crazy bonkers but also (aside from Tree Tat going all gross and sappy) great fun and actually a little moving every now and again, so, one more time for the road then: hooray!