It’s Taylor/Jane’s birthday! Happy birthday Taylor/Jane! And here’s a very personal, deeply significant gift from the man you’re not dating, the giving of which is interrupted by the woman he is dating, because the Marshal may be a fool in love but she’s far from a fool in any other sense; nice work putting a stop to what was threatening to be an intimate moment between Kurt and Taylor/Jane, Allie. And even nicer work making sure he’s got plans with you on her birthday, so she ends up in the arms of the loathsome (and about to pimp her out, let’s not forget) Tree Tat Man instead. Ugh.
(Yeah, Allie is not a woman stupid enough to “try and heat pizza in the box,” writers, so stop pretending otherwise.)
The unfortunate Sarah, meanwhile, a woman whose boyfriend is actually in love with her but is pretending otherwise – the opposite of Kurt and Allie, then – has packed up her bags and moved out of Chez Weller, on the basis that Reade dumping her, like most things, has to be Kurt’s fault. Kurt, a man who is never satisfied, decides to take the unhappy Reade to task about this; “I’m not happy if she’s not happy,” he grunts between punches, presumably forgetting that he actually ordered the poor guy to break up with Sarah a few weeks ago. “I really can’t win with you, man” says Reade, a sidekick who must be getting fed up calling the lead out on his hypocrisy every week. Justice for Reade, please, writers! And therapy for Kurt!
Although Patterson’s need might be more acute at the moment. Death having somehow made her appalling boyfriend even more manipulative and annoying than he was in life, she seeks out the advice of the only sane person in the building, the sensitive psychologist (or is it psychiatrist? It took me weeks to find out his name, I’m still a bit confused as to his exact qualifications), who is, of course, very sweet and lovely to her. And their three-minute interaction is both adorable and eminently shippable, even if his advice accidentally ends up throwing us all into the screaming nightmare that is the return of Pushy from the grave.
Ghost boyfriends, romantic dilemmas and birthday hook-ups all have to wait till after close of FBI business, though, since there’s a rogue batch of chemical weapons doing a farewell tour of the greater NY area. After an awkward and somewhat ill-tempered briefing, Team Tat head out in search of the missing sarin gas – with antidotes at the ready, because even a pre-occupied Patterson is better and brighter than all four field agents put together.
Of course, Chekhov’s sarin gas leaks, which means Agent Hardass gets to be a martyr by giving Jane his antidote while Jane gets to be hilarious by shooting the idiot baddie for theirs and stabbing Kurt in the leg with it. Heh. In the maverick law enforcement version of flirting, Kurt pretends to be a bit put out about this, but Jane isn’t fooled. “Sorry, next time I’ll just let your internal organs melt,” she says fondly.
At this point, however, we have to tear ourselves away from the gazing and smiling, and return to the utterly perfunctory plot: “Who do you WORK for?” yells Kurt, now in the advanced stage of his continuing quest to become Jack Bauer. Blah blah China blah blah North Korea blah blah nobody cares is the answer, since the only reason for this nonsense is to give Team Tat a chance to visit the suspiciously under-guarded New York Stock Exchange and Jane an excuse to execute the best moment of the ep – and possibly the series – when, well, you know what she does. It’s AMAZING.
Of course, that type of extravagantly, blissfully silly stunt is the raison d’être of Blindspot and the show’s writers really need to keep that in mind; since the mid-season break, just about every character has been utterly miserable (perhaps they all caught the brooding bug from Kurt), which is beginning to bring down both the show’s mood and mine. I’m still loving it but I remember the first part of the season as being a lot less… whiny? Hopefully everybody will eventually lighten up a bit, and the show’s usual cheerful craziness will return, but I fear that, given where everyone ended up at the end of this ep, it might take significantly longer than I’d like.