In the cold open, Steve and some woman called Lynn are being chased through the jungle by a desperado with a gun. But who’s Lynn? For an answer we need to back six hours, and we discover that Lynn (Sarah Carter) is Steve’s potential new squeeze, introduced to him by Ellie. Offscreen, unfortunately. I liked Ellie. You might imagine the Big Kahuna’s idea of a first date is to invite the lucky lady to watch him take part in a punching competition, so the fact that they’re going scuba diving on a remote island is something of a relief.
Anyway, they set off on a boat – Steve getting a little handsy, frankly, for a first date – and go diving in a sea with “sick visibility”, according to Steve, who is presumably trying to impress Lynn by being down with the kids. After that, though, they end up on a deserted Hawaiian island. With an empty plane. And, when their boat is set on fire, no way off. It’s as direct a Lost homage as this show – let’s not forget, now starring two Lost alums, with a third recurring – has ever come up with, which is saying something. But before Jacob and the Hurley Bird can turn up, there’s a man with a gun trying to kill Steve and, uh, what’s your name again, babe? Oh yeah. Lynn.
Man with gun won’t succeed, of course, although Lynn – who works with vulnerable kids in her day-job, and therefore isn’t used to life-or-death struggles with armed criminals on deserted islands – will spend several hours in a state of unparalleled terror, and take a nasty bump to the head into the bargain. Which makes it all the more surprising that at the end of the “date” she doesn’t scream “Get away from me, you freak, and don’t ever let me see you again or Imma take out a restraining order”, at Steve, but instead snuggles up to him as they wander off.
The B-plot is fairly meaty as well. Kono, Grover, and Chin are at a college football game. The guys take a quick timeout to deem Lynn “thumb-worthy”, which is presumably supposed to be an approximate male equivalent of Elaine Benes’s “sponge-worthy”, except it’s about a zillionth as funny and not delivered by Julia Louis-Dreyfus. But soon enough they notice that the home team’s star quarterback is deliberately losing the game, and pick up on the guys wearing “We’re Totally Gangstas!” t-shirts who follow the QB to the locker room. QB’s father has been abducted, and unless his team loses his father is getting killed. All in all it’s a good episode by H50 standards – plenty of action, a race against time, and a bit of romance.