The results of the First Round are in, and Team Visage are partying – confetti, victory chants, the works – like
it’s 1999 they already won the Presidency as opposed to coming a very distant deuxième in the preliminary round to Team Marjorie. Perspective, anyone?
I mean, I know Team Visage’s main priority (till now) has been to beat Team Deleuvre but even that is hardly a resounding triumph. 400,000 votes? I’d be asking for a recount if I were at Matignon.
Half-a-point or not, mind you, it means Deleuvre’s out of the running for President and probably out of his current job too, unless he persuades the ultimate winner to keep him on. Despite the furious (and still jealous, je pense) Guenelon practically spitting at Ludo over their defeat, Deleuvre charges the PR man to negotiate with Simon – Deleuvre’s support in exchange for Deleuvre’s job – but since Simon and Palissy are both weirdly affronted by Ludo even speaking to them, this doesn’t really work trop well. I’m somewhat bemused by that scene, to be honest; yes, the campaign was very personal but it seems pretty short-sighted for these two supposedly hotshot politicos to tell Ludo off as if he was an obnoxious teenager as opposed to someone in a position to offer them something that they actually want.
Of course, all this means is that said hotshot politicos don’t get what they want, and Deleuvre and Ludo head off to try their luck with Team Marjorie instead, despite the bizarre revelation that, all her peace, love and ensemble chat notwithstanding, Visage and Deleuvre hail from the same side of the political spectrum. To which my reaction is: Eh? Visage is a right-winger? When did this happen?
While Deleuvre wanders about trying to negotiate a transfer fee from whichever team will cough up the goods, then, Simon has plenty of other plates to spin. As well as being charmed by La Visage’s sex drive, he’s planning a big rally for her to talk about togetherness some more, being dumped at last by the long-suffering Apolline (a journalist who has apparently been fired by her bosses for breaking the biggest story in years – WTF?) and kicking Valentine to the kerb because she’s a) a mole and b) sleeping with Ludo. I’m not entirely sure which one of these bothers Simon more, but either way, he’s all “You’re fired” and she’s all “Sob! Sob! I’m madly in love with Ludo! My life is the worst! Sob! Sob!” because all Valentine does is leak, be it secrets or rivers of really annoying tears.
Instead of doing us all a favour and finally getting a hold of her damn self, however, she just heads off to camp outside Ludo’s flat again, because this woman is the most offensively wretched figure on tv. Ludo’s exasperated “Can’t you phone like normal people?” makes me laugh but there is precious little else to enjoy in this storyline, as Valentine abases herself even further and I actually have to stop watching for a minute because it’s so unpleasant. I’m not sure if the licking and the “baise-moi” is supposed to be titillating but it really, really isn’t; it’s pathetic, nasty and thoroughly grim, and it only gets even more so later when the once-again weeping (quelle surprise) Valentine wanders round the apartment, swigging booze, checking for evidence of other femmes, and leaking one last secret for old times’ sake before trying to kill herself in Ludo’s shower. This reminds me a bit of when REDACTED also tried to kill herself over Gregory Fitoussi’s character dumping her in Spiral, except that was a tremendously sad and moving storyline where I really cared about both characters, while this one is doing my tête right in.