Normally we have to wait ages for the prospective couples in our tv ships to get to special family dinner stage, but the Blindspot bunch are far too busy fighting tattoo-related crime to hang about waiting on tv procedural niceties, so BAM! Week 5 and special family dinner it is, complete with Kurt telling a joke (That’s two in two weeks!), Kurt’s sister Sarah shipping for all she’s worth, and Kurt’s nephew Sawyer taking it too far so that Jane freaks out and runs away.
Kurt’s not waited 25 years just to give up now, though. “It’s ok,” he says, “We might’ve rushed it a little bit,” staring into her eyes in that intense way that he thinks is calming, but that has the opposite effect on both the shippers in the audience – SQUEE! SQUEE! – and poor Jane, who gets so worked up she jumps right out of reality and into some sort of dimly-lit flashback we have to table for now, because: Mystery of the Week Time!
No, Reade and Zapata, the relevant question is not “Why haven’t I ever been invited to Weller’s house for dinner?” – FYI, the answer to that is Weller doesn’t fancy you – but why are a couple of seemingly random dudes shooting up a seemingly random Union building?
The answer is, OF COURSE, because it’s a secret CIA blacksite.
I mean, duh.
Before she can work this out, though, Jane has to do some more wide-eyed emoting at Kurt – “I don’t know how to be this person that you lost” – and Kurt has to strip off his bullet-proof vest and be manly yet sensitive at the same time. Works for me. And also for Evil Tom the Evil CIA man who is evilly delighted when Team Tattoo crash the CIA party and he can twirl his moustache at them in person. “I’ll
get interrogate you my pretty, and your little dog too!” cackles Evil Tom. “I thought we were all on the same team,” says a bewildered Jane. “Aw, bless,” smiles everyone watching. “You really have lost your memory, huh?”
Luckily, Hardass Weller is super-sensitive to the struggles of multi-tattooed beautiful amnesiacs. “I never gave up on you,” he says tenderly and, y’know, objectively. So, of course, Jane freaks out and flashes back again – that habit is going to put a real dent in her romantic prospects if it happens every time dude gets close – but Kurt knows how to deal with that too: “Do you feel that?” he asks, grasping her fluttering hand to his sturdy chest, “I’m here with you. You’re ok. Keep breathing. Just keep breathing.”
Obviously this emotionally-charged moment is Reade’s cue to walk in and look sternly at Kurt, all “This is not objective, dude, NOT OBJECTIVE” but thankfully, we have to table that too, because: Isotope of the Week Time!
Since everyone’s an isotope expert now – Mayfair’s of the same view as me re the tooth test, btw, Jane had to have lived in Africa for a few years to get that result, not just have been born there – off we all rush to chase down something nasty called Caesium 137 which causes your hair to fall out before it kills you/ you use it to blow folk up for non-specific evil purposes. And which the baddies – per Evil Tom – of the week are keeping in an urn. In a graveyard!
Oh, yes. A shoot-out in a graveyard is the best kind of shoot-out, especially when it includes a spade to the FACE, and an FBI/CIA stand-off! Everyone takes a side, some more predictable than others – *side–eyes Zapata* – and all of a sudden, Jane’s position is even more precarious than it was before. Now that she’s learned the “hand on the chest” technique, though, she’s not worried. “You’re my starting point,” she says soulfully, placing Kurt’s hand firmly on her, er, heart. At which point, it’s Mr Badass’s turn to freak out and run away. Dude. You just faced down a terrorist cell, potential radiation disaster and a CIA Death Squad. And you’re scared of a girl?