This week’s dose of unapologetically entertaining bonkersness picks up where last week’s left off; turns out it’s Flashback Guy who’s grabbed Jane, so they tussle a bit, Jane spits out a tooth and Flashback Guy warns her not to trust “them,” but before we can find out who he means… WHOOMP. A bullet to the head, Flashback Guy dead on the floor and still no word on why somebody decided tattooing an amnesiac was a better way of communication than, oh, I don’t know, EMAIL?
Said amnesiac is understandably a little rattled by the encounter, but the sensitive psychologist’s attempts to soothe her after this “intimate violation” are met with hilarious grumpiness: “I’ve been drugged…. My entire body has been tattooed without my consent. A break-in is the least intimate of my violations!” Touché, Jane.
Or should I say “Taylor.” The brooding Kurt, now borderline hysterical about her safety after the Flashback Guy incident, is convinced Jane is his long-lost best friend/ future wife Taylor Shaw and wants to tell her so, but the more cautious/ crooked Mayfair wants it kept a secret till the tests are complete. How unfortunate then that pas-de-poker-face Kurt should have to try and keep something of this magnitude from acutely suspicious Jane/Taylor on the very day Flashback Guy’s told her she can’t trust “them!”
While the unhappy pair simmer resentfully at each other, news of a particular crime leads, unusually, to one of Jane/Taylor’s tattoos, rather than the other way around, as it turns out she shares a tat with a member of a gang of bank robbers nicknamed The Candymen because their balaclavas are the colours of M&Ms. (Other candies are also available.)
Sidekick Reade, meanwhile still burning with jealousy at Jane/Taylor being allowed into the gang, seizes the opportunity to stir the pot, and tries to present his misgivings as logical rather than emotional, (“Tell me the last time a victim was invited to join their own FBI investigation”), forgetting that this is Blindspot and logic is for wimps rather than badass tv FBI agents. But since the normally deep bond between our leads is a little strained by them keeping secrets from each other, Reade is (sort of) vindicated: Kurt gets all gruff and “stay in the car, Jane,” Jane/Taylor does nothing of the sort, the mission goes a little bit wrong and she’s packed unceremoniously back to the office with a lecture ringing in her ears and the very sweet Patterson trying to console her.
Badass Kurt can’t be without her for long, though; as soon as another lead presents itself, he wants Jane/Taylor
in his arms by his side again. Poor Reade, bursting with schadenfreude and self-confidence after Jane/Taylor proved him right by screwing up the first time, pushes his luck by making the bold – foolish – move of suggesting that he take Jane instead, and pretty much accuses his boss Kurt of being too enamoured with her to be objective but this has about as much chance of succeeding as I have of dancing backwards to the moon; off Kurt and Jane/Taylor go to an interview which turns into a siege, which turns into a shootout, which turns into another opportunity to save each others’ lives, which…. OMG JUST SNOG ALREADY.
Anyway, entirely predictably, the only information obtained from the suspect is, as Zapata points out in very meta fashion, “insanely vague,” so big softie Kurt can no longer resist the pain in Jane/Taylor’s soulful eyes at yet another missed opportunity and fesses up about the Taylor Test situation: “You’re the same age. You have the same eyes. The same scar. And my name tattooed on your back.”
Swoon. Some other “intensely vague” conspiracy stuff happens, the test results are confirmed, and Jane/Taylor grasp each other’s arms a lot but all that really matters? “You can trust me, Jane. I’ve been looking for you my whole life.”