“Smart people don’t come up here looking for the dead.”
A very cold, mitten-encased hi-five to the delightful, no-nonsense Tormund for pointing out what’s obvious to all except the rest of the Wight Recovery Team: the plan to catch an ice zombie and bring it along to Show and Tell is the STUPIDEST PLAN IN THE HISTORY OF PLANS. Yes, I understand that it’s an opportunity for the Snow men (sorry) to bond, chat and remind us of a few plot points and themes of profound significance (fathers and sons, the foolish pride of kings, nobody wants to hear whinging on a road trip, that type of thing) while enjoying the bracing air of somewhere incredibly beautiful yet quite clearly FREEZING. But, on the negative side, EVERY OTHER THING YOU CAN THINK OF. If these idiots needed to talk, could they not have gone to Dorne on a lads’ weekend?
But you’re not doing anything the easy way when you’re Jon Snow, are you? Fancy a challenge? Here have some Ice bears! Escaped with your lives? Try a Wight Scouting Party for size! Still not done? Ha! Bring on the DEAD HORDES.
A bajillion ice zombies against, er, six – since Gendry’s busy putting on a very special performance of The Loneliness of the Long-Distance Runner – dudes in fur coats should, of course, be a walk in the snow-covered park, but here comes Dany/NotDany to even up the odds and, wow, for all the sheer insanity of the plan and the plot, it’s still an astounding series of scenes to watch and listen to and feel in your very bones: the bleak, gorgeous brutality of the landscapes; the ominous rumbling of the enemy in the distance; the terrifying army of the dead in all its implacable, unstoppable glory; and, finally, the Dragon Queen swooping in to save the day, at unimaginably terrible cost…. That last shot of the giant, ice-blue eye? I can’t be the only person who screamed. Could you not have found an easier way to get a look at Jon Snow’s manly chest, Your Grace?
Mind you, if all that hand-holding and “My Queen” and “you know I can’t have kids, right?” business is anything to go by, I presume Daenerys will be seeing a lot more of her nephew (yes, her nephew, just a reminder) than just his chest soon enough. Whether this will be enough to assuage Tyrion’s worries about the succession, I don’t know, but for once I’m inclined to agree with Daenerys: Crown first, everything else later, dude. Calm down.
And as for you, Arya – sit down. And behave yourself. I’m surprised it’s actually taken this long for the younger Ms Stark to turn on the elder, but I’m also disappointed that Sansa is still confiding in Littlefinger and sending Brienne away again (although it does mean we’ll get a Brienne/Jaime reunion – yay!) and that Arya is now, in her own way, almost as frightening as the Night King. For all the terrors in this episode, the moment where she points out that “I could even become you” might just be the scariest of the season.